it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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