i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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