I feel like abortions should bother me more
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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