And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
