i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
