Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
