Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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