I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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