we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
