I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
