You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
