so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
