There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
