my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
