I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
