We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
