I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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