i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
