if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
