So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
