just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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