Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
