I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
