My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
