I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
