normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
