I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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