Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
