i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
