I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
