You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
