I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
