Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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