New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
