im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
