the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
