Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
