so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
