He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
