I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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