Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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