Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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