i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
