I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
