I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
