whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
