I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
