Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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