I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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