I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Jerry, you need to find god
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
